wheel revelations.

miles: 9.8

i get it now.

i finally understand my relationship with bikes.

back when i first got into biking, seriously, it was strictly for fun. mountain biking with friends every saturday and sunday without fail, donuts and scabby shins. i couldn't wait for the weekend. while in college i found trails that lead from campus all the way down to a state park with a ton of trails and, when my schedule allowed, would spend hours riding them, by myself, just exploring and enjoying the activity. i couldn't wait for tuesdays and thursdays. biking equaled fun.

fast forward several years. i began getting more "serious" about biking. i started logging big miles, started working intervals into rides, bought a heart rate monitor, became interested in my lactic threshold, raced, lost, if i even finished, i knew how much my stem weighed and and the exact angle of my saddle. i lived bikes.

enter the conundrum of the bike shop owner... too busy selling and repairing bikes to ride bikes himself. my fitness vanished. i gained weight. i became envious of my friends that had the time to continue riding to their hearts' content. i loved bikes. i hated the shitty Huffy's that were the bulk of my repair business. i became resentful of bikes. i depended on them for a living.

when i would get the chance to go out for a ride it was a rarity. my rides were short and slow. i was out of shape and couldn't hang on anymore. i became depressed and angry. i was still holding myself to a standard that was unachievable. i would go home and ditch the bike, proud that i rode but utterly depressed at how awful i had become. i hope it's not too tacky to quote myself, but, in a past post from 2.12.11 i had said, "i'll ride some but it's never quite as good as i remember or as good as i had hoped it would be" and it breaks my heart to remember how i felt about bikes at that time in my life.

but i get it now. once i let go of the past it became so clear to me that i should enjoy bikes and the rides i go on for what they are not what i think they should be based on an old measuring stick. a ride to the store is fantastic. a leisurely cruise down to the town beach at night is superb. a mountain ride in which i have to stop every 10 minutes to stop being dizzy is just a great time for a photo shoot. a ride doesn't have to be 30 miles at a pace of 17mph to "count". i don't have to ride the entire trail system without stopping in order for it to be a "real" ride. i don't need to spend 15 minutes getting dressed and looking for a particular pair of arm warmers that match my booties. sure, i'll still do those things from time-to-time but they do no define, nor are they necessary for me to enjoy my time in the saddle.

i get it now. hey bike, i think you and me are gonna be alright...